11 : 11

Believing

2012-02-21T22:46:00.000+08:00

By prayer.

Only through prayer.

无力

2012-02-11T22:31:00.000+08:00

现在感觉到的和以前所想象的似乎有很大的不同。

走过的这段路说长也不长，短也不短，但不知道为什么已经走到连呼吸的力气也没了。这两个月来，我好像不知道自己在做什么。就这样一天一天地走，没方向感，矇着眼地走。

力气到底都消失到哪里去了？

Perpendicular

2012-02-02T23:10:00.000+08:00

A tight line pulled -- ends split, fibres stood.

A thin line drawn -- fragile crossing, balance fought.

Flip sided stories, 2 sided tales.

One dead harsh swing; one gentle volley.

One hurtful bounce; one soft crash.

There is a difference.

One day ago

2012-01-28T21:15:00.001+08:00

In this self explanatory context,
there are no right words to say.
Just keep the water boiling, the fire burning.

Not yet the cool.

Brim

2012-01-19T17:50:00.001+08:00

Made a lot of mistakes at work lately. Big lot of mistakes.

NO GOOD NO GOOD.
NO GOOD NO GOOD.

Tight

2012-01-11T20:50:00.006+08:00

Things can be really simple if they are put across in a straighforward way and if people are brave enough to ignore the possible hurt caused to the beside. Complicated things come when people elaborate on their thoughts and concerns towards the extended parties of the characters in play.

Being understanding, or too understanding, cause headaches because reasonable worries and concerns flood in all at once. Worrying over worries isn't helping, but human minds I guess, are just programmed to function this way.

Comfort words like "Do not worry, I'm sure things will be OK" are just fancy expressions that do not have any effect to ease the situation -- at least not to me. In fact, when heard too many times, it irritates. Hence the silent soul who sits because a troubled one might who knows, be the best antidote as words that flows from the mouth are chosen with extra thoughtfulness and care when the silence finally breaks.

People are brought up differently; people change over the years. The uncertainty and doubt of the current personality might be questionable and if there were sad stories that have scarred you, you might not want to cross the line to say even a simple Hello. Not that they were sore losers, but that's how some chose to protect themselves. Even if an appearance were to be made, how genuine can we portray ourselves to them?

It's suffocating, but it's all still bearable.

Edge

2012-01-08T09:46:00.001+08:00

It's this thing that I have never managed to figure out why.

It's just this scent of dislike.

There're no unseen actions, no unheard voices, nothing that has ever gone wrong since the beginning of days. On my part yet, I couldn't control. I can tell people, but if I myself couldn't figure out the theory behind it, how could anyone else?

It's not the sharp edge of fragile glass that pricks. It's the piecing of shattered glass into this one piece.

Voices.Bodies.One

2012-01-07T11:44:00.005+08:00

No words to explain; nothing prominent to pin point.

That's just it. It's just this.

One December

2011-12-26T22:05:00.002+08:00

It's December .. it's my month.

A month filled with indelible memories. A month full of reclaimed stories.

I had my big 21. I had my first ever organized event ending with a great success. A plus point, on my favorite festive season, I had a happy Christmas.

It's perfect

Thinking thinking

2011-10-29T21:02:00.002+08:00

Should I study next year?

Should I or should I not?????????????????????

18 years

2011-10-29T01:01:00.000+08:00

Had tonnes of things to share initially but can't really pin those words down.

All I can say is -- it's a good thing that I have a best friend; it's a good thing that she existed.

.Lovelove.

LIFE IS GOOD

2011-10-19T23:27:00.010+08:00

| LIFE IS GOOD || LIFE IS GOOD || LIFE IS GOOD |

2 months of preparation, 2 months of liasing, 2 months of correspondences, only to realize that my shortlisted venue #1 is not open for booking on the day of my reception | LIFE IS GOOD | Why am I so careless?! I listed every detail but the day! The year, the month, the time, the duration, the no. of pax, the food but the date! | LIFE IS GOOD | I am moreover scheduled for a presentation for this proposal next week with the biggest bean of the company | LIFE IS GOOD |

It’s morning. It’s too much to digest. I walked out of office and headed to the toilet for fresh air. | LIFE IS GOOD | Morning gone. No work done. Plenty on the plate.

Last resort, used webmail. Survived the afternoon. Stayed back in the evening to work on what I can, with fragile hopes to get things done. Outlook can now be opened, but in selected areas. Yes. | LIFE IS GOOD | Send send send emails. Blast them all. 8.00pm. Go home time.

Squinted through everything and to my greatest HORROR, spotted all my sent emails sitting idiotically in the outbox. | LIFE IS GOOD | Click to open the outbox folder, outlook crashed. Restarted my computer, reopened my outlook and comes horror movie part II. Emails gone. Draft box empty, outbox empty, sent box empty. | LIFE IS GOOD | Where’re my emails? Where’re the many emails I’ve just sent? Where are all the work I’ve stayed back to complete? | LIFE IS GOOD |

Can't go home. Digest that. Opened webmail, started sending emails based on memories. | LIFE IS GOOD |

Couldn't recall all. | LIFE IS GOOD |

9pm. I should go. Cool.dry.breezy weather when walking out of office. Wet.liquid.heavy drops of rain when I stepped out of train. | LIFE IS GOOD | I have no umbrella | LIFE IS GOOD | Walked home in the rain. Hair wet, body wet, shoes wet. And cracked. | LIFE IS GOOD |

10pm. I am home. | LIFE IS GOOD | Locked the gate, dropped my bag, started on the jar of chocolates. One by one I shoved it down. Half jar gone | LIFE IS GOOD |

I bathed. With a background music of my neighbour’s scary voice in the middle of the night, singing.

| LIFE IS GOOD |

Above all, I have my best friend so | LIFE IS GOOD |

Rainy Night

2011-10-06T22:30:00.002+08:00

Feet wet, shoulders cracked, I feel tired.

I was tired. I am tired. I have been tired.

Red eyes stayed with me for a couple of days now and desktop is my new best friend. I think the war has begun. Month of September appears to be somewhat a re-awakened nightmare. Actually, I’m just exaggerating. =.=

It’s true that work has now started swarming in, but it’s not so bad. Well, not bad because I enjoy my work. And having lots to do make me feel useful to the team.. Not that I was idling away in the previous months.

I am flying tomorrow for a short weekend trip and I can’t help but to worry about my leftovers of the day. Yet again. This trip falls on a really bad time. I was excited, have always been excited to fly. But the when-I-come-back-I-can-die thought just never leaves. Every day, work pile up. Emails streamed in like nobody’s business. There’s too much to do and too little time.

Day by day it ticks away, and day by day I chase. The website counts down the days to the event’s opening, and every time I open my website to see it getting lesser and lesser, closer and closer, and I get crazier and crazier.

I refuse to camp in the office. And I will continue refusing. Though I might already have given in.

Mentality is important.

Thankfully I don’t own a company’s phone. Otherwise I will go crazier even sooner. The ringings and blinkings of the idiotic Blackberry still haunt me because of the previous job I had. That is called a horror movie. No kidding.

Still, I am getting myself a new phone. Shockingly, a Blackberry. I like the QWERTY keypad and honestly, Blackberry is a very good business phone. I know because I’ve used it so much that it could have cracked if it’s not this “strong”. Dad says model 9900 will be a good buy. I googled. Oof. The slick and slim design. Yes, it shall soon be mine. Sadly there’s no crimson.

Speaking of which, since I’m happily typing away here.. piece of joke: I was so shagged that I could sleep in the train standing (not like I’ve never done it before; it was embarrassing when my legs gave way), I was later crushed awake by the huge crowd forcing in and squashed in between those high protein guys who smelt like an aftertaste of something sour. The crowd, the crowd! The body odor at the end of the day. The hair and the sweat! Goodness.

That isn’t the highlight anyway. What amused me was this Chinese old man standing beside who gave me the impression that he will spit vulgarities at anyone who appears to be a stigma in his eye. Well, I was half right. He typed “Fucking MRT very crowded” on his pretty crimson colored Nokia touch-screen phone. For his age, great taste! Anyway King of jokes. I will never imagine him to type these words. Language.

This is funny. Though I’m not laughing. But seriously, this is hilarious!

Polished

2011-10-02T16:04:00.005+08:00

There are occasions when I feel really lost. Lost in the world, in thoughts, in life, in busyness. But some little meet ups and gatherings do bring me back in time. Old gems and new diamonds, familiar faces and new friends.

For a long time now, maybe it's not just to show your face and teeth. It's a genuine appearance.

The clock might not tick backwards for you, but friends can bring memories that's however archaic, forward.

One

2011-09-30T22:10:00.000+08:00

It was a one liner.

It was a string of chosen words.

It was a mistake.

Head to Toe

2011-09-24T15:46:00.001+08:00

I cannot speak, not because of the mental barriers, but because of the overwhelmed mind .. so much that it choked the vocals.

It's something that cannot be spoken of easily, for few will understand anyway. Those tormenting moments, the constant pinch, soothed not by the calmness of mind but supported by the question of why.

Tears can flow -- a prove that I am a living thing with emotions. I feel pain, I feel anxiety.
I fear. I try. I contain.

I will not speak, so that I don't have to fake a "I'm fine"; so that I don't have to answer questions people ask; and for selfish reasons as to so that I won't get hurt by people's mindless words when they blurt out their concerns.

These are the reasons why I chose to be alone; these are the reasons why blanket is the bearer of my warmth.

For all that's wanted at that moment, was just a heartful cry.

Viewpoint

2011-09-08T22:26:00.000+08:00

Presence acknowledged, little words exchanged, existence remained.

A briefly known body filled with overflowing enigma is hardly even debatable when a north and south pole story is shared.

Across the globe your life ensues; on the equator is mine to dream.

Things that happened creates a life storytelling imprint; things that do not comes the wishes to be wished.

Call it self denial, call it wishful thinking. For so long as we face the reality without blurred lines toward the unreal galaxy of thoughts, life goes on as it is with no one to notice.

You don't have to know.

Reached consensus

2011-08-28T10:13:00.006+08:00

A long waited wish granted unexpectedly on one night yet drowned by a self-convinced undefined concern leading to unintentional unpleasantness amongst two humans. Not the best situation in which things had turned out but lucky enough to be salvaged by a silent mutual agreement, with stories shared in a manner of invisible slash lines and imaginary battle of words and debate.

It was understood by both.

The Focus

2011-08-15T21:17:00.007+08:00

Jet lag is a monster. If there's such a term known as undersleep, I will totally qualify. It wasn't so bad when we first arrived in Vancouver since we have to work almost immediately until midnight. So for the consecutive 4 days in preparation for the mega important meeting, there's no chance to enjoy the luxury of jet lagging. Eventually, body clock was forced to tune to the 15 hrs difference which is good news. Now that I'm back on a weekend, sleep can be chosen more flexibly -- ironically bad because I can't adjust back to Singapore's time. I tried to stay awake till it's time to sleep but wasn't able to. The fatigue accumulated from the trip plus the defiance of mind that wouldn't grant me sleep on the ultra long butt-aching flight is just horrible. Nonetheless, the bonus of all these complaints is to be planted in a job and/or project that gives my passport the bliss to collect international stamps.

That aside, my first SIGGRAPH is truly an eye-opener. Now I understand why the people say it's hard not to attend future conferences after the first visit. All the works are just so fascinating and so many things outside my world that I've yet to be exposed to. Just, WOW. Amazing. And yes, I especially enjoy the Computer Animation Festival and Electronic Theatre screenings - something that at least I can understand, something not so out of my world. Exhibition booths are likewise, cool designs and never-seen-before. Taking photos is one, but being there is a whole separate feel. As always ya?

Then comes my one-day-holiday, though after the meeting is already like a one -- the difference is that the walk does not evolve around the convention centre; it's Downtown. I combed everywhere as much as I can. Grab the chance! It's not an everyday thing that you happen to have a ticket to Canada. I so love the season, the temperature, the fresh air, the beautiful sceneries, the smiles of people .. I walked a lot, spending time getting lost and taking photos, it's an enjoyment. Travelling alone isn't that bad afterall. Well, with a map, the worse you can go is to go round and round finding a place that you are already in (yes, that's me).

I went to English Bay beach after the exhibition to watch sunset but apparently the sun doesn't seem to set after waiting for 3 hours. I should have known. So I walked along the outline towards Stanley Park which I'm glad I did. I extended for only a day (sadly so) because I miscounted. 2 nights were my original intention but I realized later that the "second night" was actually a night to be spent waiting for my flight in the airport -- that leaves me with only one. Oh well, better than none. So this precious off day was spent in Stanley Park. Beautiful flowers, so bright and colorful. Love flowers.

It wasn't late at all, slightly after lunch so I decided to carry on with my plans to walk to West Vancouver and walk on the Capilano Suspension bridge. It was .. sort of a mistake. Capilano bridge is a famous must-visit place and I was, still am actually, sad that I wasn't able to walk on it. I spent hours walking from the insides of Stanley Park to crossing the Lions Gate bridge and to reaching Capilano and continued embarking on the journey with high hopes of actually reaching the destination but it never seem to want to appear in front of me. I saw road signs after every now and then but AH, forget it. I was so close that I can "smell" it but on the safe side, I know it will be a rush if I continued so I decided to give up the cliff walk and all the fun. So I walked ALL the way back to Stanley park and walked freely instead of following main roads shown on map. Whenever there're man-created trails leading to the inner sections, I'd just walk. AND what's so surprising, I got lost. No matter how zig-zaggy I tried to undo my paths, I can't find where I was. So, I spent time getting lost again. Well, the comfort is that at least my legs brought me to seeing something new and different, awarded with maple walnut ice cream. Luckily the weather is cooling, perspiration evaporated as soon as you felt them forming. Good. I love the cool.

I walked and walked and got blisters on my toes -- especially painful on uneven grounds on the trails leading nowhere and everywhere but where I wanted. Still, I had fun. I threw my shoes away after returning to the hotel for a good long bath because the soles cracked. Man, I'm good walker.

Finally, headed to the airport for a goodbye Vancouver meal and checked my emails. Aiyo. So many emails and I'm shagged so I facebooked instead. Am I allowed to laugh? Hahaha.

It's no doubt an unforgettable good trip!

Casted

2011-08-12T21:30:00.005+08:00

I’m not sure if I can understand or digest any of those words that hurt people so much without any hesitations. The untamed tongue .. the false words that flow along the thought which strives so desperately to please others while hurting the beside. How much further can things go; how much worse can a situation turn; how much more hurt can the past bring? The feeling of being misunderstood by everyone else except the closest still nonetheless carries the thereafter effect of loneliness, lost in the favor of darkness crowded with familiar faces.

I’m not sure why promises exist. Are they just another medium of words with higher priority of temporal trust and belief? How easily can confident little fingers tie to each other in a second, like how words can flow out thoughtlessly faster than the work of synapses?

Regardless

2011-08-02T23:16:00.001+08:00

Shagged.

There're supposedly lots of things to be typed here but my body battery ran low due to these extremely long days of preparations and rush .. Drained. So before my eyes close for the short night, let's see how far this level of energy can offer.

I bought my luggage. This is the #1 update I wanted to share since the minute I owned it. Luckily I didn't get yelled at when I dragged this pretty little thing home since the sole reason for me to get a luggage is because what I had was tiny and it won't grant me survival for 2 weeks in Canada (GASP!* in restless mode).

So after work yesterday, I excitedly went to hunt for a luggage with limited time and venues. I wanted to get a Samsonite but I mentally fainted as soon as the price was shared. Then this pretty little thing said Hi to me as I floated around the shop and within minutes, I owned it. For the size, price and durability .. I have my doubts. But for the design and color, an immediate Yes.

So here I am, with yet another small luggage. A prettier one of course, just to emphasize again. And slightly bigger - *grins.

And here's another 'But' to be credited -- I believe I'm a pretty good packer. I can squeeze all sorts of things and survive equally well. After all the camps I've been too, I'm well trained. I don't care if I've to be as extreme as Mr Bean to cut off Teddy's body, bringing only the head along, I'll make sure everything goes in with ample space for new stuff to travel back.

Congrats to me, all the necessaries are in, especially the documents. Again, as always, (clap clap) there're space for more. Not to mention the 'additional' space when all documents are cleared.

AND I suppose that's it. The highest priority update I have in mind.

Nauseous

2011-07-28T23:27:00.000+08:00

Dizziness again. I need blood.

Sighs.

Anyhow, week's coming to an end very soon. And very very soon I'll be on my way to get my passport stamped in a country across the globe, somewhere I thought I'd never have the chance to step foot in. My cells are excited and my brain is tired.

A lot of celebrations lately. A lot of teeth-showing occasions and a lot of face capturing moments. All's great, really, or at least it seems to be to me. And there's always a but that follows.

Living in the days, getting by the minutes. Somehow I get the feeling that I'm walking on a floating platform.

Conflicted

2011-07-21T21:50:00.001+08:00

It happens. Memory loss.

Something that no one can control. Not the time it happens, not the things that're forgotten. That undefined emptiness and lost, that strain in the brain, like a person just awoke from a clueless dream.

Yet certain things haunts and stalks.

Everything. There is only so much that can be recalled, and there is only so much that can be dispelled.

Stories are histories. Histories form stories.

Not that it was regret that outlined the life once lived, it was the unexplained move once made.

Captured

2011-07-15T21:38:00.002+08:00

I was bored during the train ride home. Didn't bring my iTouch because I thought I'd read today but nah. Enough words for the day. Boredom ruled. So I guess I'll give extra credit to electronics with regards to solving boredom.

Explored my 7 months old birthday phone and scrolled down the contacts. Realized there're many friends I'd like to meet, if time permits and energy grants. But well, just meet them one at a time. As far as I am concerned, weekends full, days are packed, schedules tight. Good or bad.. I've yet to figure out.

Anyway it rained today. BAH. There it goes again. Ruining the chance I've been waiting for to get a new watch. YAY. OH I so love watches, yes. I've been wearing an untickable one for days because it died 2 weeks back. But I feel uncomfortable and empty when not wearing one so ended up wearing a time-paused device. And it amazingly ticked backwards occasionally.

How nice.

And one belated update, Japan was great though language is a little problem and weather a very huge problem. It's oversunny there and to think that we actually carry the thought of getting a break from the daily sunshines in Singapore for a cooling breather in Japan. Cross it out! It's worse over there. Is Japan closer to the sun or what? It's perspiringly hot everyday! And sun shines at 04:00AM in the morning. Got a shock of my life when I woke up in the middle of the night thinking I overslept and spent my precious getaway sleeping instead of burning calories.

Overlooked

2011-07-09T01:41:00.004+08:00

Singapore time 01:39AM in the morning.
I'm eating cherries and oops, there's only 8 left. I think I accidentally ate too much.

Cherries overdose.

Laugh or Cry

2011-07-08T08:43:00.000+08:00

It HURTS!

and it's a friday morning

Booked

2011-07-06T23:22:00.000+08:00

It's getting a little crazier these days and was wondering if all the rush of events made it even worse. Not to mention bad timings of happenings contribute to the pile.

And time flies. These are the two words which used to irritate me (I don't know why), maybe because when long lost friends becomes hi-bye friends and meet on the streets, these words just flow out in their speech perfectly. Which still doesn't really make any sense for me to dislike the phrase, I know. Just, just.

But anyway, I'm saying time flies because time really flew away from me. It passes so fast that I find no effort needed to lose count in the hours, in the tickings of the clock. Everything is just happening that when I paused to think, I don't know what's going on.

Takes a while.

Dim the Spotlight

2011-06-18T23:34:00.004+08:00

Like a kyphotic elderly trying to stand straight;

Like an autistic child expressing his needs;

Or like a baby crying to herself to sleep at night ..

How much more emotions can one keep,

How much more pretense can one fake,

And how many more camera aching smiles can one force?

The situation which words can't express comes the longing for someone to sit with in silence,

whispering muffled words to which only the speaker understands.

The positives comment on the vibrant lights forming the beautiful skyline;

The negatives comment on the darkness that falls.

The tiny light that blinks is indeed a moment of comfort and peace. But if one is living in the cave and not resting under the vastly spread sky, would they still keep the faith of the presence of existing light?

If yes, then Yes.

Only then would dismissing negativity bring you crystals of ultimate shines.

Beijing

2011-06-08T18:56:00.000+08:00

Recovering from senseless panic attacks, filtering out residues of uncertainty and boarding the flight with an egg of comfort, here's to the world yet unseen.

Sugar

2011-06-04T19:52:00.001+08:00

Ice-cream -- Savior of all moods

Chance

2011-06-03T18:55:00.002+08:00

I'm not a big fan of Pringles but this is really really nice.

Presence

2011-05-27T21:46:00.004+08:00

To think that I'm now standing on where you've stood, seeing what you've seen, smelling what you've smelt, hearing what you've heard.

The difference is -- you were here 2 years ago.

Classic

2011-05-14T09:45:00.002+08:00

This is love.

Iced

2011-05-11T22:06:00.004+08:00

Clock of the world, would you pause your marathon for me while I catch my breath?

Pause

2011-05-08T18:26:00.003+08:00

Weekends over, Monday comes.

Once

2011-05-06T23:21:00.005+08:00

He asked to let go, she clinged on with tears in her eyes;
he turned a cold shoulder on her, she struggled to keep her emotions;
he left her alone, she was lost in the moment.

Accepting the truth was hard, but she did it anyway, containing the stabbing pain by herself. There was no shut-eye, just sitting there, lifeless and dead before physical pain overtook the emotional aches and brought her back to reality.

Maybe some things aren't right, but there it was -- her long lost smile.

She did it finally, letting go of the impossible comeback and lived her life as it is, perhaps with more consciousness. But now, he had second thoughts because somehow this is not how he wants his story to be.

He stepped back in. It's not fair.
The enclosed circle is blocked with much effort and now?

The clock can't be turned back, so maybe if you want to re-enter, it takes a lot more than just empty words.

Brought

2011-04-26T22:04:00.005+08:00

Never thought that fatigue will have its role to play too.
It finally served its purpose today.

Anesthesia to the world.

Forbid

2011-04-13T21:49:00.003+08:00

When things happen, brain's wirings tangle. You feel cold in a warm place; you bite things that'll prick your tongue. You walk in the rain and hid from the sun; you say things for wrong ears to hear. When information gets digested thereafter, cortisol level remains high. While the mind denies you the rest badly needed, words choke your throat and kills your voice. Sometimes you want a river to flow, but it refused and insisted on remaining where it is. Some things can be done, but some things are best to be left undone.

Sudden

2011-04-11T22:31:00.003+08:00

"Everything was going just fine, day by day. But one day when I woke up, it was different. It felt different.

I had a thought.

The next thing I knew, I've brought everything down."

Effort

2011-04-08T18:19:00.005+08:00

Thursday, Friday
new faces, new contexts

Thursday, Friday

new insights, new thoughts

New life, fresh frame

Choked words

Denial

2011-03-17T21:06:00.003+08:00

Sometimes being in the dark isn't that much of a bad thing.

Whatever that's seen in the dark is simply what you think you saw, or hope to see.

Blur, but wanted.

Minutes of comfort

Mine

2011-03-11T21:50:00.002+08:00

It's my time.

I'm closing the door.

模糊

2011-03-06T14:43:00.006+08:00

因为如此，所以说话得小心。
虽然不是什么秘密，但故事是我的。

Granted

2011-02-27T12:10:00.005+08:00

This will be the one time where you get to say: At least it's all fake

because if it's true, our words would be: If only it's fake

So be glad that you're now using the words "At Least" instead of "If Only".

Precious ones.

Breathe

2011-02-26T08:55:00.007+08:00

What an idiotic morning, nothing seems to be going my way.

Every little things picked on me. Not enough.

Then comes the parent source of anger. And what? All these happened in a short 20 minutes when my eyes say Hi to Saturday morning? WTH.

I don't know what on earth you fill your brain with. Does a simple term or name used changes the happenings of a situation?

See, it's because I understand where you're coming from and out of respect that I hold myself back from spitting expletives at you. I'm giving way so why can't you do the same and take a step back?

Why am I always the one understanding things and not you? I see things from your point of view, isn't it fair that you see from mine too? Don't shout at me and say that you have the final say. Dont stop my words and shut me off. You'll only have the final say when you make sense to me, damn it.

Attempt

2011-02-19T23:02:00.003+08:00

February - the month of happenings.

Birthdays, CNY, Valentine's, work, farewells ..

"New life" began and things are currently going well so far - for work, and of course, everything else is all good too. Everyone's busy now though.

Bored!

That's all I guess.

2011

2011-01-01T15:43:00.003+08:00

Last year I didnt have a good new year's start, but this year I did. Definitely the best new year's day I've ever had so far, not that there's anything interesting in the past years since I dont do countdowns. But even if it's just another normal day instead of January 1st, it started off well.

Staying together under one roof doesnt mean you know everything that's going on. Stories - plenty of them. Whether or not to tell or dig, that's another thing.

I dug, you told. Likewise.

Shouldn't

2010-12-04T23:12:00.006+08:00

Friend's shoulder.

Thanks.

Nostalgia

2010-12-02T20:16:00.003+08:00

Those were the days.

I miss Europe.

I miss Ku Shi Ya.

20th

2010-11-28T16:56:00.002+08:00

This year's 20th Birthday celebration is sure different -

First was the planned-out surprise my clique gave which I was totally unaware of. I enjoyed the evening because friends were there. Dinner was great too. Thousand thanks for showing up and your presents! I'll use them well.

Had lunch with my family today to celebrate in advance since all will be busy next week. Dad got me my Aino and a miracle hard disk. Yes!! And I chose a Mocha cake. Hahaha.

Went to library afterward to check out a new author - Kathryn Fox. Wonder if her series is nice. Hopefully it'll be. If so then maybe I'll pause my Prison Break and pick up reading again.

Extended family chalet is coming! I'll bathe myself in medical oil to ward off all evil mosquitoes and spice them to death before they poke their nose on me.

Shoo.

Together

2010-11-24T14:20:00.003+08:00

One new story.

Words

2010-11-16T19:55:00.008+08:00

No doubt the pay is good, but they don’t seem to understand – Money isn’t everything.

Is it because they knew they could easily psycho me with their words or things they offer that'll make me guilty if I just turn my back and walk away?

Your sweet words ..

I don't even know what I'm doing back there again. It should stop here. Don’t take people for granted. Sometimes it’ll be good if you could pause and think. Not everything has to go your way. We're your staff, think of our welfare once in a while. Don't you realize that everyone is fleeing? Perhaps we're all lucky that you got too busy, there isnt even a contract we need to break.

And, the way you twist your words are kind of scary.

Everyone knows your talent.

Perhaps

2010-11-11T10:04:00.004+08:00

There's a possibility, there's always a possibility.

Just how big?

Chapter 32

2010-10-23T22:29:00.005+08:00

Laura’s blue eyes twinkled as she greeted Diane. “I knew you would find something,” she said.

“I’m not sure if I have,” said Diane. “I wanted to bounce it off you first.”

“Bounce away. Can I get you some coffee first? Tea?”

Diane shook her head. “Just had a milkshake.”

Diane sat down on a small sofa next to the warm fire. Laura sat opposite her in a comfortable looking wingback chair.

“I looked over the information you sent. Only two things caught my attention in the reports. One was the jogger who fell, and the other was the kid next door who heard Juliet say something suggestive to someone.”

“I agree about the child next door, but what about the jogger?”

“I think the jogger’s fall was a ruse to divert attention while the kidnapper grabbed Juliet. I’ll call the authorities in Arizona where she was kidnapped and find out if a composite sketch was ever drawn of her. But the main thing I wanted to talk to you about is this: Listening to the tape of her talking about her memories of that time, I had an epiphany.”

“What’s that?” Laura leaned forward, her elbows on the arms of her chair.

“I don’t think her memories are of one crime, but are of two separate crimes,” said Diane. “In what Juliet was saying on the tape, she is having a hard time separating her dreams and her fears from her memories.”

Laura nodded. “That’s common, especially in early memories.”

“Sometimes those memories are in a code,” said Diane. “When you asked Juliet what she meant by new dolls, she said “dolls in boxes.” I don’t think she meant that. I think her brain has combined memories.”

“Combining memories is common even when a person is an adult,” agreed Laura.

Diane was trying to explain her reasoning in a linear fashion to Laura, but the idea had come to her all at once and she wasn’t sure where to begin.

“Juliet said her grandmother accused her of stealing a doll. I think this was real and occurred near the time of Event One – Event Two being her kidnapping. And because her grandmother’s accusation was close in time to the two major traumas and held some visual similarities, the doll became the code for the rest of it.”

“When Juliet first came to work at the museum, Andie made her a gift basket, as she does for all new employees. Because seashells were a specialty for Juliet’s, Andie used that as a basis for the theme of the basket. The centrepiece was a doll – Ariel, the mermaid from Walt Disney. When Juliet saw the basket on her desk, she freaked. Juliet was very embarrassed at her reaction and muttered something about being afraid of new dolls. Andie had taken the doll out of the packaging when she made the basket. It wasn’t in a box.”

Diane stopped to let it sink in.

‘I’m sorry,” said Laura. “I don’t see the significance of that, and I can see by your face that it is significant, but I need a little more.”

“Juliet said, ‘I remember being in a dark room with new dolls.’ You asked her what she meant by new dolls, and she said, ‘Dolls still in the box.’ But we know from her reaction to the welcome basket that she was scared witless by a doll that was not in a box.”

“OK,” said Laura, still sounding unsure. “So what did she mean?”

“There is something else common to new dolls besides the cardboard box they often come in. I saw it last night when I passed the museum store and saw all the Dora the Explorer dolls lined up together on the shelf. It was really very eerie. In the low nighttime lighting of the gift shop, each of the little dolls was peering out at me from behind the cellophane window in its box.
Andie’s basket didn’t have the doll in a box, but there was a cellophane around the whole basket – and Ariel the mermaid was peering out from inside the plastic.’

Diane could see from the puzzled look on Laura’s face that this is really cleared it up for her.

“Are you saying Juliet would be afraid of an old doll if it was wrapped in cellophane?”

“Yes.”

“And this means?”

“The room of dolls she saw in her memory weren’t dolls; they were murdered people wrapped in plastic, and this was the first psychological trauma for her and may have led to Event Two – her kidnapping.”

..

[Dead Past]
Beverly Connor

Genre

2010-10-15T21:37:00.007+08:00

Must have been too absorbed in reading.

I can even read in my dreams now.

How cool is that.

Character

2010-10-09T22:51:00.006+08:00

There's no way we can understand everything that happens because if we do, there won't be any mysteries left to solve.

People's mind, people's heart, their actions and behaviours. Ask yourself why, but the only thing that seems logical is - the way we are brought up contributes to the way we behave.

Tricks

2010-10-03T23:28:00.005+08:00

Don't appear

It's a mind game.

Joy

2010-09-17T12:41:00.011+08:00

Started youtubing more on Taylor Swift's songs because I heard one of hers in my playlist and it's really nice. Realised that she has a lot more songs written which I didnt know about, as always. Lol.

Went out with Bestie finally! After so long. Tonnes of misses. Have been friends for 16 years now. WOW. I miss my school days, filled with memories of all kinds, precious. Really happy that there are friendships which lasts; strong, firm friendships despite each other's busy schedules and lack of time to meet.

Friends are my gems on earth.

Will be meeting my precious clique tomorrow for picnic too, really looking forward to it.

It's girls' time!

This

2010-09-13T13:49:00.005+08:00

Weird Monday.

Things went smoothly at work so far, considering the fact that I managed to cross the huge rocks that fell onto my path since the first hours of this day.

Ironically, despite the few hours of sleep I've had last night, I'm amazingly more perked up today compared to yesterday where I get to enjoy a full clock of sleep totalling up to 8+ hours.

Oh well. That's good news I guess. Will be forgoing some hours again today; tomorrow will be a bonus.

Anticipation

2010-09-12T21:01:00.005+08:00

Looking forward to things isnt always good - it depends on what you are looking forward to. In my case, waiting for September 30th to come is honestly a torture.

You have no idea how badly I want that day to come, yet as I count down each day, I ended up ruining the joy of living in the hours of this month. And I grew even more tired and restless, or at least, that was what I've managed to figure out - the cause of my fatigue.

It's not physical; it's mental.

September

2010-09-08T11:12:00.005+08:00

This shall officially be my last month in Dragonfly.
Have been waiting for this day but at least completing 6 months here looks better on resume.

The next will be better.

Stained

2010-08-05T20:13:00.004+08:00

You left your mark.

Unspoken

2010-07-24T22:49:00.005+08:00

There's a limit to how much a person can accept another's selfishness,
but there's not much you can complain because we are all the same.

And though you feel that the way you treat others are good,

there are times where you play the role of a baddie too.

So understanding that point,
you flare and show your unhappiness,
for you are angry not just because you were treated this way, but that there are times where you act the same way as this baddie does.

Thumb

2010-07-20T12:02:00.004+08:00

Eww!! who would ever buy this?

Cosy

2010-07-17T09:26:00.007+08:00

It rained the whole night yesterday!!

Love the weather. Absolutely Perfect for sleeping.

aye.

Peace

2010-07-12T14:16:00.009+08:00

Woke up early in the morning at 6.45am on a finally-non-working-Sunday.

My body is already like an auto alarm clock.

Got up and read a book on Brains I've borrowed. Interesting Bio stuff.

Then .. out to market with Mum and yoohoo went to get a haircut though it turned out pretty bad - it's the fringe's doing. But it's only $5. Hmm. At least my head feels a little lighter now. Had fun walking in a market though it's honestly a wrong place to begin with.

Mood did become better anyway - have been feeling grumpy and moodless.

It's mother's love.

School

2010-07-09T13:00:00.006+08:00

The abrupt change in studies’ interests left me dazed for days.

Come back to reality!

Conscience

2010-06-16T15:31:00.005+08:00

Humans - a very smart & unpredictable breed.

We won't know what they're thinking; how creative cells in their brains work till one day, they sit you down and tell you a twisted logic they've churned out that is ironically, struggling so desperately to cover that tiny deception they bring you while looking into your eyes saying - I'm a good man.

Symphonia 04 Jun '10

2010-06-05T20:38:00.006+08:00

They shine.

Stranded

2010-05-31T13:27:00.009+08:00

Not enjoying anymore,
but keep on walking.
If I put my left foot in front of my right,
and then my right in front of my left,
the ending place they bring me to may be a consolation prize.

Whining

2010-05-20T17:21:00.003+08:00

Writing a post means I'm rewarding myself a break for meals with hope to get some mental rest peacefully.

Am totally drained out because of work which wasn't what I expected or the way that I wanted it to be. I hate to climb out of bed every morning but that wasn't what I'm dreading the most; it's the Blackberry lying on my desk blinking to greet me a Good Morning.

That, for a day's start, I know isn't that wonderful. So what follows was the warm up stage to suffer in trains. Breathing in fart probably was what I thought is the final stage of agony I could be trapped in, but I guess I was proved wrong - again.

Today, I got knocked on the head by a man's elbow. I know I'm short but I didnt realize I was that short. Fine. Next, is to be sandwiched between all other humans and breathing in shampoos of people's hair, or better, their body odour and breaths.

One essential survival tool now - to fight for the share of oxygen that rightfully belongs to me.

But well, the fact that I have the energy to complain so much also meant that I'm still alive, maybe not kicking, but standing at least.

Toxic

2010-05-06T14:55:00.006+08:00

Nevermind if I got home late from work and reported early the next day because I couldn't think of anything worse to complain.

Who knows?

Sometimes when you think you're caught in the worse situation, think twice.

Is it my luck or those people think I needed an energy boost to perk me up in morning?

I cant believe I have to breathe in fart in a humid, crampy train.

Depriving me of sleep doesnt seem to be enough, they have to take my oxygen away too.

Well done.

Undo

2010-05-04T17:15:00.006+08:00

Just so happen that a day after Aloy made mistakes at work,
I followed the trend.
I made plenty.

Probably due to my eXtreme lack of sleep, I've been dozing off during work for the past 2 days.
Terrible.

Now that I'm not so keen on earning hard core cash, somehow work refused to let me off instead.
And honestly, I would never want to exchange my rest for money.

Work

2010-04-25T18:52:00.004+08:00

It's Sunday and I went to work.

POOF. This job really has no life.

I love it when my bosses fly, but hate it when they're about to fly.

Why?

Because I'll have to search for all the different flights for the different days of the different airports in the different cities, then do a flight analysis. Sounds cool but it meant brain-aches and shoulder-aches.

Also, it's a disaster if they come telling me to get articles - means I have to read that article and find related articles from all other papers. I fell asleep while reading a 6 pages long Financial Times about Goldman Sachs.

Do you know what it is?

Aim

2010-04-20T18:18:00.012+08:00

Was trapped inside the storeroom the whole time my Bosses were away because there're just piles of things to be re-arranged and tidied.

But glad to say, among the junks, papers, dust and sickening mosquitoes, I found this little treasure that reads:

Shoot for the moon,

even if you missed it,

you'll land among the stars

That's encouraging.

Sadly, the cover ruins the wow-ness behind this sentence because it looks dull and ugly despite having the company of those glittering stars that are trying hard to shine.

Time

2010-04-11T02:11:00.006+08:00

Came home late for consecutive 3 to 4 days because I met up with friends after work.

Today, I reached back home at 1am.
Obviously, mum and dad aren’t that pleased.

Sometimes when you feel that you’ve grown old enough to take care of yourself, your parents still think otherwise. True, parents are parents. But sometimes, a little more freedom would be nice.

"Because you're a girl, so you dont have the license to come home late"

Eaten

2010-04-08T11:32:00.008+08:00

02:17 am in the morning, my stomach growled.

So I woke up in the middle of the night for some Famous Amos cookies, 旺旺 and a half cup HL strawberry milk.

Ah yes.. I only had 3 Oreos for dinner while chasing after my $120.

2010-04-02T21:11:00.004+08:00

Don't cry because it's over,

smile because it happened.

Unsure

2010-03-31T22:03:00.009+08:00

Today is my first day of work at Dragonfly.

Good start, because the bosses are abroad so there isnt any stress learning the ropes of the job. Plus, the environment is so peacefully calm and relaxed since there was only Marcella and I.

I have to activate my brain power system and absorb as much as I can because this is Marcella's last week.

Panic!

So before the bosses are back and before she leaves, Brain, please be a good brain. Time passes rather fast here, which is very very good. My hours got extended last minute, but it's okay .. think of the money I'm earning.

Right.

The day ended off badly though. Some complications surfaced again.

As always isnt it?

The neverending story.

*No matter how long you drag, how much you think, things won't change.

Undiscovered

2010-03-29T21:44:00.010+08:00

7 days Taiwan trip was fun, though there were little pop ups somewhere.

Still,
stepping foot into a country so foreign and conquering it with your friends makes it all worthwhile.

And those little clashes, piece up memories too.

Together with the talks, the fun and laughter, those oh-so-stupid poses and monkey faces ..

Talks we had, I must say, are good talks.

Talks that shares the deepest secrets hiddened within oneself,

secrets that arent visible and buried deep inside.

The world is a beautiful place,

friendship is a beautiful thing ..

Unconditional

2010-03-21T14:04:00.011+08:00

I like talking to friends because it brings us closer.
And sometimes in the talking, you'll find something which you never knew it actually existed inside him or her.
A new side.

I'm happy with the friends I have around me.
They are those whom I know I can trust and rely on,
whose shoulders are always there for me to lean on.
That when I turn back, their faces will be there.

My friends.

Understood

2010-03-19T22:53:00.016+08:00

Ends up that everything falls back into place.

An unfinished story without any words to fill.

Still, it's a new start.

At least there's a closure to things, though unofficial.

It's a tiny light

Unknown

2010-03-14T13:03:00.016+08:00

I can see a fullstop because nothing has changed.
Just silence

Meanwhile, my holidays had been fun so far, especially with my busy and hectic schedules everyday.
It's exhausting, but crazily exciting!

It doesnt matter anymore.

Unfeeling

2010-03-05T23:09:00.010+08:00

Wordless,

because there’s nothing much left for me to say.
Tired,

because trying doesn’t help.

Confused,

because I don’t know what’s going on anymore.

And so, do I leave things as it is?

Unsolved

2010-03-01T19:58:00.011+08:00

Maybe I should've tried harder. But sometimes, experience tells you not to because you know how things will end up when you approach a certain topic.

And it's a struggle because you dont know how you should solve it, which apparently doesnt end up getting solved at all.