Doesn't Matter

"For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Doesn't matter what my eyes see,

Doesn't matter what the world says,

Doesn't matter how horrible some times may be,

I will stand by the truth of my Father's word.

You see His grace, He turns and sees your faith

Exam results are out and all glory to God, for I aced them.

Truly, hope never disappoints.

Grace

You calm the storms in my life,

You pave the roads for my walk,

You took my little and mulitiplies it.

Unmerited and undeserved, yet boldly seek and gladly receive.

For the price has been paid,

with Jesus's love.

Disintegrated

And wishing emptily with verbal words does not necessarily match the wishes in thoughts. Same language of alphabetical flow yet completed on a different axis of fulfillment.

Not that wishes don't come true, but that sometimes they are just not accepted.

A moment of self realisation

It takes more than just a while.

It takes more than just one trip, one hearing.

Whatever was, still is, as it has been all along. What redirected isn't the cause of a one liner, nor the distinct word embedded, but the acceptance of all.

It won't be the parallel walk that leads to dispersed routes; it will be the yet unfound print that draws two into one fullstop.

Mind concept; Self movement.

I walk. 
Now with the biggest One.

Worth trying

Wondering how inexpressive an emotion of the moment can become, where the thousand words available are not even able to describe the feelings in quarter. The hand ticks and minute walks, with my days passing with somewhat a blank recollection.

My excuse? Too long a peak period causes brain drainage and the cells to depreciate. Convincing myself that I can do it does not seem to work well in any way. And optimism? Too tired to have any.

YOU take over.

Back to School

All the choking notes building up the gullet..

One word -- Queasy.

hyperventilation

I just need some air. I just need my space. I just want to breathe.

Believing

By prayer.

Only through prayer.

Choice is yours

A tight line pulled -- ends split, fibres stood.
A thin line drawn -- fragile crossing, balance fought.
Flip sided stories, 2 sided tales.
One dead harsh swing; one gentle volley.
One hurtful bounce; one soft crash.

There is a difference.

One day ago

In this self explanatory context,

there are no right words to say.

Just keep the water boiling, the fire burning.

Not yet the cool.

Eve?

It's all about accepting and admitting. All about stepping out and giving in. 

Ruins need to be digested and let go eventually. Doesn't make sense to hold it tight and bear a grudge. It no longer takes long to process the truth and facts, it just takes longer to admit, thereby stepping out and acknowledge. Maturity comes. This undeniable fact that's unwilling to be understood is now sheltered and embraced by consciousness and awareness.

Heartfelt concern

Things can be really simple if they are put across in a straightforward way and if people are brave enough to ignore the possible hurt caused to the beside. Complicated things come when people elaborate on their thoughts and concerns towards the extended parties of the characters in play.

Worrying over worries isn't helping, but human minds I guess, are just programmed to function this way.

It's suffocating, but it's all still bearable.

Undeciphered

It's not the sharp edge of fragile glass that pricks. It's the piecing of shattered glass into this one piece.

Come on, Ring those bells

December comes. 

A month filled with indelible memories, a month full of reclaimed stories. 

I had my big 21; I had my first organized event ending with great success. A secret plus point, I have got a memorable overnight comfort with a pseudo being.

My favorite festive season, I had a happy Christmas.

It's almost perfect.

OH books

Should I study next year? 

Should I or should I not?????????????????????

Good Eighteen

Had tonnes of things to share initially but can't really pin those words down. 

All I can say is -- it's a good thing that I have a best friend; it's a good thing that she existed

LIFE IS GOOD

| LIFE IS GOOD | : | LIFE IS GOOD | : | LIFE IS GOOD |

2 months of preparations, liaising and correspondences, only to realize that my shortlisted venue #1 is not open for booking on the day of my reception | LIFE IS GOOD | Why am I so careless?! I listed every detail but the day! The year, the month, the time, the duration, no. of pax, the food but the date! | LIFE IS GOOD | I am moreover scheduled for a presentation for this proposal next week with the biggest bean of the company | LIFE IS GOOD |

My inbox is full. My emails can't be sent | LIFE IS GOOD | deleted everything I can but to no avail. | LIFE IS GOOD | I archived. And my archiving was rewarded with an error message. Outlook crashed. Emails gone. ALL gone | LIFE IS GOOD | My IT manager is on holiday. | LIFE IS GOOD | Restarted my computer 9 times. It crashed. | LIFE IS GOOD |

It’s morning. It’s too much to digest. I walked out of office and headed to the toilet for fresh air. | LIFE IS GOOD | Morning gone. No work done. Plenty on the plate.

Last resort, used webmail. Survived the afternoon. Stayed back in the evening to work on what I can, with fragile hopes to get things done. Outlook can now be opened, but in selected areas. Yes. | LIFE IS GOOD | Send send send emails. Blast them all. 8.00pm. Go home time.

Squinted through everything and to my greatest HORROR, spotted all my sent emails sitting idiotically in the outbox. | LIFE IS GOOD |  Click to open the outbox folder, outlook crashed. Restarted my computer, reopened my outlook and comes horror II. Emails gone. Draft box empty, outbox empty, sent box empty. | LIFE IS GOOD | Where’re my emails? Where’re the many emails I’ve just sent? Where are all the work I’ve stayed back to complete? | LIFE IS GOOD |

Can't go home. Digest that | LIFE IS GOOD |

9pm. I should go. Cool.dry.breezy weather when walking out of office. Wet.liquid.heavy drops of rain when I stepped out of train. | LIFE IS GOOD | Walked home in the rain. Hair wet, body wet, shoes wet. And cracked. | LIFE IS GOOD |

10pm. I'm homed. | LIFE IS GOOD | Locked the gate, dropped my bag, started on the jar of chocolates. One by one I shoved it down | LIFE IS GOOD |

I bathed. With a background music of my neighbour’s scary voice in the middle of the night, singing.

| LIFE IS GOOD |


But above all, I have my best friend so | LIFE IS GOOD |

Rainy Night

Feet wet, shoulders cracked, I feel tired.

I was tired. I am tired. I have been tired.

Red eyes stayed with me for a couple of days now and office is my second home. I think the war has begun. Month of September appears to be somewhat a re-awakened nightmare. 

Actually, I’m just exaggerating =.=

It’s true that work has now started swarming in, but it’s not so bad. Well, not bad because I enjoy my work. And having lots to do make me feel useful to the team.. Not that I was idling away in the previous months.

I am flying tomorrow for a short weekend trip and I can’t help but to worry about my leftovers of the day. Yet again. This trip falls on a really bad time. I was excited, have always been excited to fly. But the when-I-come-back-I-can-die thought just never leaves. Every day, work pile up. Emails streamed in like nobody’s business. There’s too much to do and too little time.

Day by day it ticks away, and day by day I chase. The website counts down the days to the event’s opening, and every time I open my website to see it getting lesser and lesser, closer and closer, and I get crazier and crazier.

I refuse to camp in the office. And I will continue refusing. Though I might already have given in.

Mentality is important.

Thankfully I don’t own a company’s phone. Otherwise I will go crazier even sooner. The ringings and blinkings of the idiotic Blackberry still haunt me because of the previous job I had.. No kidding.

Still, I am getting myself a new phone. Shockingly, a Blackberry. I like the QWERTY keypad and honestly, Blackberry is a very good business phone. I know because I’ve used it so much that it could have cracked if it’s not this “strong”. Dad says model 9900 will be a good buy. I googled. Oof. The slick and slim design. Yes, it shall soon be mine.

Speaking of which, since I’m happily typing away here.. piece of joke: I was so shagged that I could sleep in the train standing (not like I’ve never done it before; it was embarrassing when my legs gave way), I was later crushed awake by the huge crowd forcing in and squashed in between those high protein guys who smelt like an aftertaste of something sour. The crowd, the crowd! The body odor at the end of the day. The hair and the sweat! Goodness.

That isn’t the highlight anyway. What amused me was this Chinese old man standing beside who gave me the impression that he will spit vulgarities at anyone who appears to be a stigma in his eye. Well, I was half right. He typed “Fucking MRT very crowded” on his pretty crimson colored Nokia touch-screen phone. For his age, great taste! Anyway King of jokes. I will never imagine him to type these words. Language.

This is funny. Though I’m not laughing. But seriously, this is hilarious!

Polished

There are occasions when I feel really lost. Lost in the world, in thoughts, in life, in busyness. But some little meet ups and gatherings do bring me back in time. Old gems and new diamonds, familiar faces and new friends. 

For a long time now, maybe it's not just to show your face and teeth. It's a genuine appearance.

The clock might not tick backwards for you, but friends can bring memories that's however archaic, forward.