Beautiful ruins

This is such a happy thing, but why do I feel so afraid?

Take a break. Get some rest. Have some fun.

Flipped

Got back home from work early today -- finally. After how long? I could not remember. Am out every single day and it's draining me dry bit by bit.

On days I don't have classes, I will try to leave work early and muster the energy to study in the night. Likewise for today, but I think I'll give it a pass. Missed too many classes while on business trip and catching up is really not easy. Just like previously, but with God's unconditional favor, I trust that He will pull me through once more.

Was flipping through my past journal entries and really thank God for His favor in my life. I found this post that I've written earlier in April:

"IDEM SINGAPORE 2012 OFFICIALLY ENDED YESTERDAY.

My work is completed -- I'm so glad that I have survived and didn't give up halfway. I've learnt a lot, exposed much and everything is just good. It's tough .. the job, but I survived. With God's amazing help.. colleagues and everyone else played a huge role of support. Finally. This day arrived. After much struggles and tears.. The after taste is so good, so sweet. I just know that I've survived and walked till the last to taste the sweetest wine."

Bite it down

It brings tears to my eyes each time,

but this day I will tell myself -- "You did great."

Aftermath

Unformed words flashing through the helpless mind. Who exactly is trying to protect who? Thoughts unidentified, sentences deformed.

You thought for me and I for you. Yet nothing was spelled out.

It's kind but dangerous.

I just wish it all stands clear.

Hello L.A.!

I'm in Los Angeles! Arrived safely from the ultra long butt-aching flight.

Couldn't sleep on the plane and we touched down early noon. Have been working and napping ever since. Little sad about the hotel -- I expected more than this. But well, at least I got a king size bed with 6 pillows!

Had dinner at this nice little cosy pizza grill restaurant -- tasty! They had "long" broccoli! It's even more unusual than seeing long bean sprouts that Koreans eat. It's so interesting. Oh hello L.A. breed.

Tired! I'm just gonna look forward to my 2 days holiday break after work. May the meeting proceed smoothly!

Doesn't Matter

"For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Doesn't matter what my eyes see,

Doesn't matter what the world says,

Doesn't matter how horrible some times may be,

I will stand by the truth of my Father's word.

You see His grace, He turns and sees your faith

Exam results are out and all glory to God, for I aced them.

Truly, hope never disappoints.

Grace

You calm the storms in my life,

You pave the roads for my walk,

You took my little and mulitiplies it.

Unmerited and undeserved, yet boldly seek and gladly receive.

For the price has been paid,

with Jesus's love.

Disintegrated

And wishing emptily with verbal words does not necessarily match the wishes in thoughts. Same language of alphabetical flow yet completed on a different axis of fulfillment.

Not that wishes don't come true, but that sometimes they are just not accepted.

A moment of self realisation

It takes more than just a while.

It takes more than just one trip, one hearing.

Whatever was, still is, as it has been all along. What redirected isn't the cause of a one liner, nor the distinct word embedded, but the acceptance of all.

It won't be the parallel walk that leads to dispersed routes; it will be the yet unfound print that draws two into one fullstop.

Mind concept; Self movement.

I walk. 
Now with the biggest One.

Worth trying

Wondering how inexpressive an emotion of the moment can become, where the thousand words available are not even able to describe the feelings in quarter. The hand ticks and minute walks, with my days passing with somewhat a blank recollection.

My excuse? Too long a peak period causes brain drainage and the cells to depreciate. Convincing myself that I can do it does not seem to work well in any way. And optimism? Too tired to have any.

YOU take over.

Back to School

All the choking notes building up the gullet..

One word -- Queasy.

hyperventilation

I just need some air. I just need my space. I just want to breathe.

Believing

By prayer.

Only through prayer.

Choice is yours

A tight line pulled -- ends split, fibres stood.
A thin line drawn -- fragile crossing, balance fought.
Flip sided stories, 2 sided tales.
One dead harsh swing; one gentle volley.
One hurtful bounce; one soft crash.

There is a difference.

One day ago

In this self explanatory context,

there are no right words to say.

Just keep the water boiling, the fire burning.

Not yet the cool.

Eve?

It's all about accepting and admitting. All about stepping out and giving in. 

Ruins need to be digested and let go eventually. Doesn't make sense to hold it tight and bear a grudge. It no longer takes long to process the truth and facts, it just takes longer to admit, thereby stepping out and acknowledge. Maturity comes. This undeniable fact that's unwilling to be understood is now sheltered and embraced by consciousness and awareness.

Heartfelt concern

Things can be really simple if they are put across in a straightforward way and if people are brave enough to ignore the possible hurt caused to the beside. Complicated things come when people elaborate on their thoughts and concerns towards the extended parties of the characters in play.

Worrying over worries isn't helping, but human minds I guess, are just programmed to function this way.

It's suffocating, but it's all still bearable.

Undeciphered

It's not the sharp edge of fragile glass that pricks. It's the piecing of shattered glass into this one piece.