Dim the Spotlight

Like a kyphotic elderly trying to stand straight;

Like an autistic child expressing his needs;

Like a baby crying to herself to sleep at night ..

How much more emotions can one keep,

How much more pretense can one fake,

And how many more camera aching smiles can one force?

A situation where words can't express comes the longing for someone to sit with in silence,

whispering muffled words to which only the speaker understands.

The positives comment on the vibrant lights forming the beautiful skyline;

The negatives comment on the darkness that falls.

The tiny light that blinks is indeed a moment of comfort and peace. But if one is living in the cave and not resting under the vastly spread sky, would they still keep the faith of the presence of existing light?

Beijing

Recovering from senseless panic attacks, filtering out residues of uncertainty and boarding the flight with an egg of comfort, here's to the world yet unseen.

Missed you

To think that I'm now standing where you've stood, seeing what you've seen, smelling what you've smelt, hearing what you've heard.

 

The difference is, you were here 2 years ago.

Tachinos realm

Clock of the world, would you pause your marathon for me while I catch my breath?

Once upon a time

He asked to let go, she clinged on with tears in her eyes;
He turned a cold shoulder on her, she struggled to keep her emotions; 
He left her alone, she was lost in the moment.

Accepting the truth was hard, but she did it anyway, containing the stabbing pain by herself. There was no shut-eye, just sitting there, lifeless and dead before physical pain overtook the emotional aches and brought her back to reality.

Maybe some things aren't right, but there it was -- her long lost smile.

She did it finally, letting go of the impossible comeback and lived her life as it is, perhaps with more consciousness. But now, there are second thoughts perhaps because somehow this is not how he wants his story to be.

The clock can't be turned back, history can't be erased. If you want to re-enter, it takes a lot more than just empty words and mind determinations.

An overpowering sense of touch

Never thought that fatigue will have its role to play too. It finally served its purpose today.
Anesthesia to the world.

Forgone

When things go wrong, brain's wirings tangle. 

You feel cold in a warm place; you bite things that'll prick your tongue. 

You walk in the rain and hid from the sun; you say things for wrong ears to hear. 

When information gets digested thereafter, cortisol level remains high. While the mind denies you the rest badly needed, words choke your throat and kills your voice. 

Some things can be done, but some things are best to be left undone.

It was known

"Everything was going just fine, day by day. But one day when I woke up, it was different. It felt different.

I had a thought.

The next thing I knew, I've brought everything down."

Denial

Sometimes being in the dark isn't that much of a bad thing.

 

Whatever that's seen in the dark is simply what you think you saw, or hope to see.

Blur, but wanted.

Minutes of comfort

Private Moment

It's my time. I'm closing the door.

It's mine to share

因为如此，所以说话得小心。
虽然不是什么秘密， 但故事是我的。

Caught offguard

This will be the one time where you get to say: At least it's all fake

because if it's true, our words would be: If only it's fake

Precious ones.

Breathe

What an idiotic morning, nothing seems to be going my way. Every little things picked on me. Then comes the parent source of anger. What? All these happened within a short 20 minutes when my eyes greeted the Saturday morning? WTH.

I don't know what exactly you fill your mind with. Does a simple term used changes the happenings of a situation? 

See, it's because I understand where you're coming from and out of respect that I hold myself back from lashing out expletives at you. I'm giving way so why can't you do the same and take a step back?

Why am I always the one understanding things and when it's supposed to be the adults doing so? I see things from your persepctive, isn't it fair that you see from mine too? Don't shout at me and say that you have the final say. Don't stop my words and shut me off. You'll only have the final say when you make sense to me, damn it.

2011

Last year I didn't have a good new year's start, but this year I did. Definitely the best new year's day I've ever had so far, not that there's anything interesting in the past years since I don't do countdowns. But even if it's just another normal day instead of January 1st, it started off well.

Staying together under one roof doesn't mean you know everything that's going on. Stories - plenty of them. Whether or not to tell or dig, that's another thing.

I dug, you told. Likewise.

Twentieth

This year's 20th Birthday celebration is sure different -

First was the planned-out surprise my clique gave which I was totally unaware of. I enjoyed the evening because friends were there. Dinner was great too. Thousand thanks for showing up and your presents! I'll use them well.

Had lunch with my family today to celebrate in advance since all will be busy next week. Dad got me my Aino and a miracle hard disk. Yes!! And I chose a Mocha cake. Hahaha.

Went to library afterward to check out a new author - Kathryn Fox. Wonder if her series is nice. Hopefully it'll be. If so then maybe I'll pause my Prison Break and pick up reading again.

Extended family chalet is coming! I'll bathe myself in medical oil to ward off all evil mosquitoes and spice them to death before they poke their nose on me.

Shoo.

Together

One new story; one new heartbeat.

Words

No doubt the pay is good, but they don’t seem to understand – Money isn’t everything.

Was it because they knew they could easily psycho me with their words or things they offer that'll make me feel guilty if I just turn my back and walk away?

Your sweet words ..

I don't even know what I'm doing back there again. It should stop here. Don’t take people for granted. Sometimes it’ll be good if you could pause and think. Not everything has to go your way. We're your staff, think of our welfare once in a while. Don't you realize that everyone is fleeing? Perhaps we're all lucky that you got too busy, there isn't even a contract we need to break.

And, the way you twist your words are kind of scary.

Everyone knows your talent.

Perhaps

There's a possibility, there's always a possibility.

Just how big?

Character

 

There's no way we can understand everything that happens because if we do, there won't be any mysteries left to solve.

People's mind, people's heart, their actions and behaviors. Ask yourself why, but the only thing that seems logical is - the way we are brought up contributes to the way we behave.

Unwelcomed reignition

Our thread was broken; individual foot paths continued in its solemn emptiness.

There was no response, and there was no longer an effort or need to try make things work.

Your shadow is tied to the back of my head, yet with silhouette that appears ever so prominently at the tip of my eyes.

A war between pride and want, a battle with the heart and mind, a struggle that is not meant to be.

 

Don't appear.

It's a mind game.